"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." -John 14:18Ever since I was little I knew I wanted to be a foster parent and then eventually adopt. I don't know when or how the idea came to me, but my parents had family friends that fostered to adopt and in high school I knew a family from church that fostered to adopt. I have close friends who also fostered to adopt and even baby-sat for a family that did the same. Recently, a friend adopted her little girl and she is a big part of my family's life. Everywhere I look and at every stage of my life I have known someone who was a fostered child and adopted and who was a foster parent and who adopted.



I inquired about becoming a foster parent about two years, but at the time I didn't think it was right. The thought resurfaced last spring/early summer and I continued the inquiry and began classes last September. I have not spoken publicly or posted anything anything via social media because there was a tiny doubt in the back of my mind that said I wasn't going to be licensed; I don't know why, maybe because it is a huge life changing event (and something that I really wanted). I was worried to talk about it as I was worried it wouldn't happen, but that is not the case anymore.

The process sounds simple- attend required classes, complete a home study and fill out a lot of paperwork. In reality, the process takes a while and the wait can feel like it lasts forever. The home study is a very extensive process that looks at every detail of your life, it is to make sure the individual or couple is going to be a fit parent. They ask for many recommendations and referrals and complete interviews. My home study is complete, finally! My classes, paperwork, and home study are finished and I have been approved by the agency's director. I am officially a licensed foster parent.

The wait then began for a placement call, a call that is life changing and unpredictable. I was licensed for over 8 weeks before I received my call and at times the wait was beyond what I thought my anxiety could handle and felt excruciating. The waiting and the stress are now over, I got the call and I would be bringing Bear home.

Now she is in my home, it doesn't mean that the work is over. Bear is not mine legally, but when it comes to matters of the heart she is. I am providing support, protection, love, and comfort.  The foster journey has just begun for both of us. There will be many doctor appointments, visits with social workers, case workers, birth mom and family members, court hearings and decisions that this child (and me at times) simply will/cannot understand.

The goal of foster care is for the child to be reunited with their birth parents or family members after a period of time. The child is placed in a home to be cared for while the parents complete the tasks required of them prior to having their children placed back with them. This process can take up to two years.

I am so blessed to be able to do this and that God has called me to be a parent. These past few months He has prepared my heart and mind for the days to come and I am so excited. With each child that I (and my family) welcome into the home, I know they are placed with me at the right time (God has impeccable timing). I also know they will leave when they are supposed to. Each child will have their own unique set of challenges and issues, but they deserve a home and a family. A place where they can learn, feel safe and be loved unconditionally; for most of these children this will be a first for them.

No child deserves to be put into an environment or situation that does not foster growth and development, safety, and love, and that is one of the biggest reasons I chose to foster. Our teacher during our classes always said we "are planting a seed" and assisting in ending a cycle of brokenness.

Thank you to everyone who contributed to helping me with the home study process from the references to the recommendations to helping me answer questions about myself; I am forever grateful. Thank you for your prayers and asking about the process. Thank you for asking about foster care in general, it comes with a stigma that all foster children are "bad" or have mental health issues and with your inquiries it helps provide more knowledge and understanding into the world. I would love to repay each and everyone one of you but money nor things can do what you did for me and this child.

I am so excited for Bear to be in my home and excited to see where this foster journey is going to take us. There will be very little details shared about her family history or personal information due to privacy policies (and no detailed photos will be posted via social media sites). 

The biggest thing Bear and I could ask of you now is to pray. Pray for us as we embark on this new journey together as a new family unit. Pray that Bear's birth family is healing and working towards ending the cycle of brokenness. Many forget that in order for a foster parent to receive a placement a family has been broken apart. Pray that Bear's mom is given the strength to succeed for herself and for Bear. Pray for all the children in foster care and their families as well as the entire team that is involved in the case. Pray that God will direct everyone to make the best decisions possible for that child(ren).

"For he chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love, he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ in accordance with his pleasure and will." - Ephesians 1:4-5

Bucket List

A bucket list is a number of experiences or achievements a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime. It came from the term "kicked the bucket" referring to when someone has passed away. There are thousands of things that could be on one's bucket list and many times I do not realize when an experience is on mine until I am in the process of experiencing it or I plan to experience it. I have a pretty lengthy bucket list. I think my list is realistic and definitely achievable by the end of my lifetime (if I live for another 50 years give or take), I think that is a perk of being an occupational therapist. When writing goals for clients we make sure they are measurable and achievable. Why create a goal someone cannot reach? Instead create goals one can reach and then create new goals to push them further. I feel this way about my bucket list. As I accomplish tasks on my list, I add new ones. Below s my current list of things I wish to accomplish (in no particular order and I am sure as I get older or get to experience new things, I will realize it should have been added to this list a while ago) in the next 50 or so years.

• Visit all 50 states (over 1/2 way there)
• Travel Europe
• Go on a road trip with my best friend Courtney to Sheboygan, WI in a red convertible and a package of Depends
• Volunteer in a 3rd world country
• Adopt a child
• See the Northern Lights
• Visit Manitoba with dad and watch the polar bear migration
• Take my Grandma on a Caribbean cruise and see her swim with a dolphin
• Go on a Disney Cruise
• Throw a dart at a map and travel to wherever it lands or go on a road trip with no planned destination
• Put a lock on a love bridge
• Pay a stranger's tab at a restaurant
• Ride a gondola and eat gelato in Italy
• Go to the Olympics as a spectator
• Spend NYE in NYC
• Collect shot glasses from every continent (All I need is one more from Antarctica; if anyone knows anyone going!)
• Read every James Patterson book written (besides his Juvenile series)
• Attend the Kentucky Derby
• Go skydiving
• See a volcano 
• Go horseback riding
• Go to the World's Fair
• Stand in the 4 corners
• Go on a hot air balloon ride
• Go whale watching
• Visit an elephant sanctuary
• Visit with family in Luca, Italy
• Visit Ghiloni Cafe in Kirkintilloch Glasgow
• Attend Cherry Blossom Festival in DC
• Visit John Denver's Memorial in Aspen, CO
• See the Waterfire in Providence, RI
• Stay at Riverside Inn B&B in Warsaw, KY
• Visit Puget Sound in Washington
• Purchase every item on my Amazon wish list
• Attend a Seattle Seahawks game in Seattle
• Attend a New Orleans Saints game in NOLA
• Be debt free
• Watch the sunrise in one place and set in another
• Visit the Equator
• Stay at a resort in the Maldives
• Experience Christmas in NYC (done 2x!)
• Snorkel in the Caribbean ocean (found out it's one of my favorite things to do)
• Meet a dolphin
• Go on a cruise
• Be a Maid of Honor (2x completed)
• Graduate college
• Go to Disney World and visit all 4 kingdoms
• Go to NYC for World Autism Awareness Day and see the ESB lit blue
• Get a tattoo 

Calendars, Schedules, To Do Lists....oh my!

Organization is huge for me. I love and thrive when I am organized, I am able to be focused and driven to accomplish tasks. I have been organized over the years and wanted to touch on some of the things I love to use to keep me organized.
One of my favorite things to use and probably the longest lasting thing I have used is a planner. My favorite planner is the one by Vera Bradley, I have used the same style since I was in college. It is the perfect size (not too small or too big) and it is durable, lasting the total 14 months it provides. Planners help me remember events in advance which is important to me since I have a semi-busy schedule. If something comes up and it is within 4 weeks of the event, I usually cannot attend as I already have plans. Looking at my calendar now, I have two open weekends (absolutely no plans) until the first weekend of June.
My second favorite thing I love to use to keep me organized is schedules. This is very similar to a planner, but this involves other peoples schedules, work schedule, and meal prep as well. In order for my planner to work and for me to be organized I have to know what others are doing as well. I can't plan something for work or home if my boss or family is unable to participate. The one thing that I am struggling with is a meal prep schedule. Each Sunday my mother and I plan our meals for the week, but we don't write any of our meal choices down. We have started to do this but we do attempt to think of meals so we can create a grocery list. We love oriental food but are kind of sick of it at the moment so we Pinterest often to find new recipes to try.
The last thing I use and have been for years as well is a handwritten to do list. I love, love, love lists. They help me stay organized as I can categorize and write everything I need down and have on hand. When planning a party I can outline/list each aspect of the party, then I can list all the decorations I want to have or make and finally I can create a food/grocery list. I have a running to-do list for personal things in my life and I love to mark things off, helps me feel accomplished. I also have a running to-do list for work tasks that I need to accomplish. Sometimes when I am re-writing a to-do list, I will place things that I have already crossed off to re-cross them off. I know it's weird but it helps with the organization of my life. Using an electronic list doesn't do my to-do list and organization justice, so it has to be handwritten.
One of the newest things I have been utilizing is my phone's reminders app. To increase my organization and to work on time management (which I can struggle with at times), I started a morning routine list and a night time routine list with a timed reminder daily. I have set personal reminders that I need to accomplish each morning and night and they are awesome! Before these reminder lists I would run around every morning and always be late out the door. Now, in the morning I am standing around or actually eating breakfast before I leave. I am able to go to bed without making a mental list of things I need to do in the morning before I leave for work. When I was making mental lists I was forgetting at least 99.9% of the list.
I am sure there are additional things I use to help me stay organized, but these are definitely the top three. When I am not organized I am stressed and I have anxiety; I feel like I am a chicken running around with my head cut off. No one wants to see that and I don't like feeling that way.

A Christmas Card to Remember

"Amanda- Merry Christmas! I wanted to let you know how grateful I am to be working with you. Out of all of the co-workers, I think I've had the most opportunity to chat with you- and I really appreciate our conversations. It's evident that you love people. Not that you are just extroverted and get excited around them but that you really care for people. I see this with your kids so often. You are always coming up with such fun ideas so that they will learn and be challenged. You genuinely care for them and want them to grow. You pour yourself out for them, sacrificing much for their good.
It's really self-less and is such an encouragement to be around. Thank you for that example- loving unconditionally and doing your job with all of your heart!
I cant help but think about Jesus at Christmas. How we were hopeless and lost, but God had so much love for us that he sent his Son into the world to die for us and reconcile us to him. To me, thats the ultimate example of unconditional love- and I can attest personally that knowing Jesus better has helped me really understand what it means to love God and others. I'm grateful when I see examples of that love- and I see that example in you. I pray you too would be encouraged and drawn to Jesus this Christmas- that you would be filled with love and joyous peace from knowing him. Appreciate you!"

I often tell others (generally through a card or note) how their personal relationship with God and involvement in Church has helped my faith and relationship with God grow. Not very often do I receive something that says the opposite, how I show examples throughout my life.

I received this note in a Christmas card a few years ago from a fellow co-worker. I was so touched and honored that they put a lot of thought into a simple card around a big holiday when a lot of times society may stigmatize it for revenue and presents. To know that they sat down and put effort into this note, means so much to me still. I keep the card in my Bible and read it when I am feeling discouraged. It is a great reminder of why I do what I love and that ultimately God is the answer for everything in my life.  He showed the greatest example of unconditional love and we can learn and lean on that example.

3 Personality Traits I am Proud Of....

I am not one to talk about myself. I feel like it makes me look selfish and arrogant, but with this new approach to blogging and trying to touch on four key points in my every day life (1. personal experiences, 2. faith 3. crafting 4. you have to wait for this one ;)), once in a while I am going to post things about me, I think these are some of the hardest things to post.
According to Wikipedia, trait theory is an approach to the study of human personality. Trait theorists are interested in the measurement of traits, which can be defined as habitual patterns of behavior, thought, or emotion. There are thousands of traits identified in the world and each person possesses a vast variety of traits. It is who makes their character, or like Wikipedia stated their personality. To choose only three traits is hard as I don't want to pick the wrong ones and I am not sure if I truly possess these traits even though I have family members and friends who might say I do.

The first personality trait that I know I possess and am extremely proud of is being creative. For me, creativity is an outlet that allows me to relieve stress. Instead of running a mile everyday or accomplishing a hard work out, I create. If I can create a piece and either give it to someone who will cherish and appreciate it or I keep for myself that is what makes me most happy. I love being crafty and giving handmade gifts to others. The look on their faces is enough for me to be satisfied. Giving someone a handmade gift tells the recipient that the giver thinks highly of them and put not only thought into the gift but also the effort. Crafting takes time and only does it become quicker as a crafter becomes more proficient in the type of craft. Crafting also provides close-ended tasks (a finished product is a result of the work put in) which I love. I love beginning a task and being able to see to it's completion. Over the years I have given hundreds of cards, plenty of baby blankets, and a few scrapbooks to friends and friends that I consider family.
Not only do I craft in many mediums but I also am an amateur photographer. Being able to provide photography services for a family who may not be able to afford a high end professional gives me so much happiness. Everyone deserves the opportunity for a photographer to capture their family memories regardless of their income. This talent allows me to do that and I have met some amazing people along the way as well as also explored some great new places in the Central Ohio area.

The 2nd personality trait I believe I possess is being genuine. Genuine means authentic, truly what something is said to be. I do my best to stay true to myself and show that to everyone that meets me. No one likes a fake person or someone who cannot live up to what they say and I have had past experiences that have shown me what I do not want to be. A few years ago I had someone question my genuineness and I was blown away. I was hurt that someone who I thought was a close friend did not believe my sincereness. It made me take a hard look at myself and my relationships and I learned quickly it was them and not me. I take pride in how genuine I am, it represents me as a whole and how I live my life.

The 3rd personality trait I possess and I also believe this is a fault of mine is optimism. Optimism is the ability to be hopeful and confident about the future. I always try to see the other side of things, it helps me stay positive and happy. I spent quite a few years around people who were negative and dragged me down. I realized that it was toxic on my life and it affected every area of my imaginable. My faith, my career, and personal life all declined with the negativity and I complained and dreaded a lot of things in my life. Now, I still may complain, but I always do my best to see the best side of things. I always play "devils advocate" to help friends realize there might be an upside to a bad situation.

New Career Path

In reality, no, I am not changing careers. However if I were to, I would go into a small business of making crafts and party planning. I love planning parties and organizing/running events. I recently had the privilege to help a close friend plan a baby shower for her sister-in-law. I had so much fun working with her and coming up with some really cute ideas. Thank God for Pinterest today, we looked for ideas as there are not many Toy Story themed baby showers, especially for little girls. We looked at many birthday parties with the same theme and I have to say, this party was a hit and everything was amazing. My friend would see or have the idea and I knew how to put it into fruition. It's an awesome thing that I love and I am thankful that we have many parties throughout the year that I can help my family plan. I am already onto my next party planning event which is my sister's bridal shower that is in a few weeks, but I wanted to share some (o.k. more like many) photos from the baby shower. We found adorable centerpiece cutouts on Etsy as well as the food tags. For the games we played Who Knows Mommy best and Guess the size of the belly. As a little gift to the baby we had guests decorate wooden blocks that were cut and painted by her grandparents. To decorate the DIY block station and to add to the Toy Story theme I found this awesome ABC block download. The backdrop behind the food table had cloud cut outs that matched the ones from the movie and were a perfect touch. 

Mmmm, Girl Scout Caramel deLites....

Wait, what did I just title this entry? Girl Scout Caramel deLites.....what are those? I only know of Girl Scout Samoas. At the end of January a few girlfriends and I were headed back to Ohio from North Carolina from a girls weekend and right before we crossed the NC/Virginia state line we stopped at a Walmart to look for souvenirs. With no such luck we stopped outside the store at a Girl Scout booth to grab some cookies for the drive home. When we walked up and I read the cookie box titles I asked if they were knock offs, I even glanced at the girls vests to make sure they were actual Girl Scout vests with badges, they were. The scout leader explained to me that the Girl Scouts use two different bakeries to make the cookies and depending on where the bakeries shipped to is what type of cookie you purchase.
There is some confusion based on where each bakery ships to and it's not necessarily geographically divided. Some states have both bakeries ship to them and others only one bakery covers the whole state. According to some of the articles I read, one of the bakeries has been around for decades and they do not necessarily need catchy names for individuals to remember. The other bakery is "new" and chose to have catchy names so individuals could remember and want to continue to purchase them. The only cookie both companies have named the same are the Thin Mint cookies and that is because the name "Thin Mint" is trademarked by the Girl Scouts.

Yellow= ABC Bakers & Purple= Little Brownie Bakers

I was floored reading about the bakeries and the cookies in general.  Each bakery sells the same cookies (except for the lemon flavored ones) but in reality they truly are different; not just the name but even the recipe! I couldn't wait to get home to compare the two, and there is a slight difference in appearance and taste. I added some pictures below to share the differences I found, I can say regardless, they both are still my favorite cookies. (PS if you live in an area where ABC Bakers ships to you must try the Lemonades! They are delicious and I am on the hunt for them!) To learn more you can read this article by the L.A. Times.

10 Facts About Me

I am not one to post about me a lot, I like to write about my experiences and what is going on in my life, but when reading about what to add to a blog almost every article said something along the lines of introducing myself. The easiest way I thought I could do this was by providing 10 facts about me. Let's get started....
10. I love Mexican food. Truly, I love many different types of food, but I could eat Mexican everyday for each meal and be content. I am that odd girl that still ate/eats Chipotle even with the e. coli outbreak going on (don't want one of my favorite places to go out of business). Chips with salsa or guacamole, tacos, fajitas, thinking about it now makes me hungry.
9. I love nail polish, specifically OPI and besides owning over 50 bottles, I love to paint my nails and kinda have to have my toes nails painted all the time. Many women will say they feel complete once they are wearing mascara, or have their jewelry on, for me it's to have my nails/toes painted.
8. I love to cruise. Escaping from reality and being on a boat where I do not have cell service is amazing to me. I also love visiting islands that hold different cultures and experiences. From cruising I have learned that I love, love, love snorkeling and am not that big of a fan of dolphins. I really love to travel and besides cruising, NYC is one of my all time favorite places. the busyness of the city actually relaxes me.
7. Independence is one of my strengths and weaknesses. I love being independent and being able to go and do what I want to do. At times though, I don't realize how independent I am and want to do everything on my own, until I have someone offer to do something (even if it's small like carrying a bag for me) and I turn them down. I am working on changing this, but it is a slow change.
6. I cannot stand drama. Many people will say this, but to me there is no point in living with it. Life goes on, people move on. Drama causes people to move backwards and I don't want to do that. Life goes forward every day and we should too. I try not to feed drama and do my best to not be a part of it.
5. I am very crafty/creative. Many of my friends can show me what they want to do and I know how to execute it. My parents have a craft room in their home, which I have easy access to since I live there (no shame) and I absolutely love it. It is how I destress, many use exercise to release energy and stress, I craft.
4. I love children and cannot wait to be a mother. I have been surrounded by children all of my life and enjoy working with them. I am so glad that I found a career that lets me play with children all day and enjoy the little things in life. Every day is a new experience and watching kids with disabilities progress to their own roles in life makes me so happy. I also love watching parents see their children progress and accomplish new goals.
3. I have a faith and believe in God. I won't shove it down your throat as I think it is a personal relationship. Currently, I do not attend church but I pray twice a day, read my bible and devotional when I need to, and listen to Christian music. I believe God has put all of us on this earth for a reason. It might be years after we are gone to realize why, but we all have a purpose. I also want to raise my kids this way.
2. I have 7 women in my life that are not related to me and I consider them to be my best friends. Each one of them helps me in a way the other cannot. They are an amazing support system and I enjoy spending any amount of time with them, even if I only get to see some of them once a year or less than that and only communicate through texts (I don't like to talk on the phone).
1. I like simplicity, organization, cleanliness, planning and being succinct. The motto "less is more" is huge for me. When disorganization surrounds me, I feel like there is no control and struggle accomplishing anything.

Hot Fudge Sundae

I am the girl to contact if you ever are looking for free wifi in Columbus. Since I am currently an OT that travels all over Central Ohio to see kiddos in their home, I do my best to find wifi anywhere so I can check email, send reports and access my files. Before you ask, I do have a smart phone with data, however I share my data with 6 other people and do not want to be the one that causes overages on the bill, so I scour for free wifi (and public restrooms. I don't like to use my client's restrooms, I think it is unprofessional; a personal opinion). I have done a great job of finding libraries close to many of the my kiddos homes or a Panera (I really should start taking stock in Panera, I am there at least twice a week).
There is a specific time each week though that I struggle. There is no Panera nor library close enough and usually I go shopping which is causing money to leave my wallet.  I have been looking for a place with wifi and I have finally found a McDonald's that suits my needs, free wifi and a bathroom. I generally do not eat during my McDonald's trips- 1. it's not lunch time and I have already eaten my Panera 2. I don't like to eat out twice in one day 3. not the biggest fan of the golden arches (besides their ice cream). However, I do feel guilty using their wifi, taking up space in their restaurant, and using their bathroom. If I lived in NYC, I would have to purchase something at a McDonald's in order to do one of these.
This week was different, I was feeling guilty so I decided while writing notes and answering emails I would get a hot fudge sundae. I ordered and received my treat and looked for a place to sit. Where I generally sit was taken so I opted for a back corner booth. An older gentleman was seated at a table next to where I chose to sit. He said "hello, how are you?" and me being me, said "I am great, how are you?" He then asked what I had ordered as it looked delicious. I told him it was delicious and it was a hot fudge sundae. I thought once I responded and pulled my work out the conversation would end as it generally does, but this was not the case. He asked what school I went to since I had a bag with me and what homework I was going to work on. I told him I was not in school and that I was an OT that travels from home to home to work with children with special needs. He was interested and we began to talk about anything and everything, almost like we have known each other for quite some time. We talked about Columbus, where each of us grew up, our families and news in the US today. This gentleman was sweet and we talked nonchalantly for probably 15 minutes about anything and everything.
About 10 minutes into the conversation he told me how he had recently lost his wife (3 weeks and 1 day ago). My heart ached for him, my grandfather lost the love of his life 2 years ago. I asked how long they had been married, and he replied 50 years. I explained how both sets of my grandparents have been married for that long or longer as well and I love seeing couples who have lasting marriages. I was raised with this example from all sides of my family and my parents have currently been married for 33 years. He had finished his meal by then and I had finished my ice cream. He told me it was great talking to me and to have a great day. He then proceeded to go back to the counter and ordered a caramel sundae.
After getting his caramel sundae he came back and asked if he could sit with me since his table was now occupied. I replied with a yes and he sat with me as we continued to talk and he finished his sundae. Once finished he got up again and said "good-bye, have a great day." I responded with the same. As much as that gentleman needed me that day, I needed him. I have a feeling that every time I eat a hot fudge sundae from McDonald's I will think of him.

Big Girl Job!!

I have done it! I have finished college (for now) and have gotten myself a big girl job. I am a direct one-on-one tutor with children on the autism spectrum and I absolutely love it! Once I take my OTA boards in a few weeks I will then switch over to the therapy department (at the same facility) and will be able to work more one on one with kids needing extra therapy. I am so excited and even though my job can be challenging, it is one that I go home smiling about.

A Quarter of a Century Old

It's true....I am officially 25 and have been for the past 24 hours. Not exactly sure how I feel, I have always liked Birthdays and I don't feel any different, no feelings of being older and wiser. I guess I am excited that now my insurance goes down and I can officially rent a car without paying the extra fees. I also can fill in the 25-34 age group on surveys now! Still, my birthday felt like another day in passing. I'm not exactly sure what I expected but at the end of the day I can say for sure, I definitely missed my grandma more so than usual, even though last year she forgot my birthday she still called me and this year that phone call never came. I did spend my birthday with the ones I love by going to out for dinner, it was really nice even though there was an obvious cloud over my head. I can blame stress and work and exhaustion but I really think it was sadness. So even though I may not have said it yesterday to my family, thank you for being there on my birthday, love you all!

A Hard one to Write....The day that was perfect

It has been 3 months (I started this on 02/23/12) since I originally began this post and each time I open up my blog to write I get stuck. I will jot a few sentences down and then I erase it all. Towards the end of February I lost my great-grandmother and it was and still is pretty hard for me to deal with, I think about her daily and still wish I had time with her. I was very close to my grandmother and have been at a loss for words since her passing. My grandmother was born in the '20s and was very independent, even in the later years of her life. She did not want to be a burden to anyone and even though sometimes it felt like a burden, I enjoyed my times with her. Everyone has that family member that can drive them crazy but it definitely was rewarding for me to have her for 24 years of my life. That is how I look at it now after her passing. I was extremely fortunate to have had my great-grandmother for 24 and 1/2 years of my life, most of my friends have either never met their great-grandparents or had them for only a few years of their life. My grandmother spoiled me rotten, I definitely do not deny that! She took my family and I to California to see the Red Woods and the Pacific Ocean, she took me on my 1st trip to NYC and she taught me the importance of an education. She always took me shopping and never said "no." I don't know why all the sudden I am able to write this post, I haven't had the words to post or I didn't feel the words did enough. When thinking on her final days I think about the Friday before she passed. I spent the entire day with her which is very rare since the past few months I was finishing school my winter quarter, but it was finals week and I took work off that day to be with her. I spent ten hours with the woman I knew and it was like old times again. She sat in her rocker while I laid on the floor or the couch and we watch her soaps, talked about family, looked through the paper, and listened to music. Even though caregivers and nurses were in and out it felt like old times, she slept when she wanted, as did I. The day was absolutely perfect and even though the looming illness was the big elephant in the room, it never once felt like we were being squished. I now thank God for that day I had with my grandmother and I think it was the closure I was looking for. Since her passing, I have been wanting this piece to come to me and allow me to move on, but unfortunately due to family issues since her passing it has been nearly impossible too, but I believe that day was my closure. I meant to visit my grandmother the Sunday before she passed and instead I stayed home to work on homework. I called and told her that I would then see her Tuesday but unfortunately that was not the case. I would see her that Monday night in a way that I wished never came. Right before she got really weak and ill, she handed me this card (that was our thing, I always sent her cards for any and every occasion) that I made her when I was really little. She handed me the card that told her if she ever were to get sick that I would take care of her because I did not want her to die. Whenever she handed me the card to read I would say that's the truth and I still don't want her to die. I cannot wait for the day that I can tell my kids about their great-great-grandmother and I hope that my future kids have that same relationship with theirs. Love you a bushel and a peck ;)

Stressed is dessert spelled backwards....

Um....I don't think so. At the end of my day I am not relaxing with dessert, I am piling stress on top of stress. I have been super crazy busy (obviously since my last post was January 1st) and really don't feel like I have accomplished much. I am in my last quarter of school and have two Level II fieldwork's and then I AM DONE!!! At least for now. A lot of changes will be happening in my life in the next couple of weeks so we'll see where my stress level gets me after that! :) My 12 habits are going okay, instead of starting one a month, I am doing them slowly all at the same time. I couldn't decide which one to start with and wanted to do my best at some of them so I am trying and it is I would say 70% successful! Some of the ones I wanted to try right away is read the Bible everyday (I am only 4 days behind and catching up fast), decrease my Dr. Pepper intake (I was going to say pop, but I really only drink the pepper), take my medicine regularly (doing it pretty much 100%), and attempting to get at least 7 hours of sleep (this so far is a great success).

2012 New Year's Resolution

A resolution is a determination or firmness of purpose. Typically upon a new year many individuals resolve to break bad habits, lose weight, quit smoking, etc. I decided that besides the typical resolutions that instead I was going, I am determined to gain or lose (respectively) 12 new or old habits. A habit is a behavior that is repeated on a regular basis and they tend to be subconscious. They say it takes 28 days to gain a habit, thus at the start of each month I am going to either quit a bad habit I have or gain a new one that I have always wanted to do. 12 months + 12 habits = an interesting 2012. I know it is going to be tough, but I have to have the determination or I'll quit while I am ahead. So for the next year, expect posts about my progress and what is going on, I may not say what habits I am working on but I am really excited and interested to see if I can hold up to my resolution for 2012.

Guest Blogger of the week!!!

This week I was honored to be the guest blogger of the week for Flying Horse Farms. I know I have already blogged once on here regarding my experience there but here is the new one, enjoy :) Volunteering at camp: How to describe the indescribable When anyone asks me about Flying Horse Farms and the experience I had at camp, I can only say one thing: it’s indescribable. I knew I was going to have a great experience when I drove through the gates this summer for a hematology/oncology week. But I couldn’t have imagined everything I felt and still feel today about camp. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about camp and all the amazing people I met there: from the medical staff to the grounds crew, the Alcoa fellows, the volunteers, and definitely to the children. Beyond a doubt, I was changed forever. And one story in particular showed me why this place is so magical. For the first half of the week, one of the younger boy campers struggled with homesickness. Even though I was an activities counselor, not one of his cabin counselors, the cabin adopted me early on. So I spent a lot of time with them and noticed that whenever he was kept busy he was always having fun. So his counselors and I did our best to get his mind away from being at home and keep him occupied so he would have a great time. His homesickness started to fade around day three and he started having a noticeably better time. It was amazing to see his transformation from a camper struggling and wanting to leave to one who began volunteering for games and wanted to participate. At the last campfire of the week, we all wrote wishes on our wish sticks. I wished for more times like this (the ones that most definitely make us feel human). The formerly homesick boy sat next to me and scribbled on his stick. When he finished, he showed me what he’d written. It said: “for all the kids to get better.” While you’re at Flying Horse Farms you sometimes forget the challenges these campers face in their daily lives. After all, they look like any other child walking down the street. So when I read his wish stick it struck me: camp actually gave these kids a week of freedom. Freedom from the hospital, the doctors, the “how are you feeling” questions, things that I don’t always think about because I don’t experience them on a daily basis. Through Flying Horse Farms we let kids have fun, be creative, dream, imagine, and hope. But most important of all, we let them be kids. Guest Blogger Amanda Ghiloni is a program volunteer at Flying Horse Farms.

""Quads""

For the past 24 and a half years I have been very fortunate to say that I have both sets of grandparents and one great grandparent in my life. Yesterday though, I lost my first grandparent, my grandfather on my mom's side. I always felt bad when talking with friends about our families and seeing their faces when I told them that I had 5 grandparents still living. Many were "jealous" (not really jealous but always commented at how lucky I was). I know I was lucky, I was able to make some great memories with my grandparents and I would not change that for the world. It is very surreal to think that now I only have four but the past couple of days I have been hoping and praying that when I have children or my siblings have children they will be just as fortunate as I and my siblings and cousins are. My grandfather was a great man in his own way, he served in the Navy and worked for the local newspaper for years (probably the better half of my childhood). He also was a mechanic on the side and loved to help anyone and everyone with their car. I always remember going over to his house as a kid and he would be underneath the hood of someone's car tinkering away. He always played with us when we were over at his house and he always called me Mandy (which no one ever called me because according to my mom that was not my name). The past few years were rough with my grandfather, but we still spent a great amount of time with him and my grandmother cherishing every extra holiday we got with them. This coming Friday on 11/11/11, they would have been married 50 years. It is amazing to think about today's society and look back at my grandparents. Both sets have had their trials and tribulations, but they both have survived them (both sets of my grandparents saw 50 years of marriage to the same person). Who can say that now? I hope that when I find the one I marry, that I will be able to be married for 50 years and look at my kids and grand kids and say well done, just like I know my grandfather did to my grandmother. So in honor of my grandpa instead of saying "deuces," I say ""quads."" I love and will miss you!

Pinterest

I have found a new obsession and I cannot stop looking at this website. It is called Pinterest.com and it is a website that allows you to "pin" things that you like and save them to a board so you can keep them all in one place and won't forget when you saw it and what it was. The boards can be set up into categories like style, crafts, photography, and quotes. It is great and I have found so many great ideas on it. You do need to be invited to the website so interested comment me and I will send you an invite. Pinterest.com

It's Picnik not Picnic

First off I would like to say Happy October! I love October and I am so excited for it to be fall here in Ohio. Now back to the reason for the title and the new post, I do amateur photography on the side (in between school and work) and Picnik is my saving grace for photo editing! I love it and it is so easy to use. I don't need all the crazy programs on my computer, I simply log into the website, upload my photos, and edit how I wish. It is great and I have to brag about it. There is a free version and a subscribe version, only $25.00 a year for unlimited access to the website! If you have never tried Picnik go to www.picnik.com to try, it's definitely worth it.

Flying Horse Farms

A few weeks ago I had the volunteering opportunity of a lifetime. I volunteered at Flying Horse Farms in Mt. Gilead, OH. FHF is a camp that allows children with terminal illnesses to go for a week or a weekend and be a kids. They do not have to worry about doctor visits, hospital stays, and everything else that revolves around them being sick. When I first arrived, I did not know what to expect. I am not very outgoing so I knew that in order to meet knew people and have a good time I would have to instantly be able to stick my hand out and say "Hi, I'm Amanda, nice to meet you." Luckily, it was very easy and now I stay in contact with many of the people I stayed with. The week I volunteered was Hematology/Oncology week and the kids were amazing (amazing doesn't even describe what they were, they were indescribable). It is incredible to see all the volunteers and everyone that participates in these camps. I was worried I would be the odd one out, the last time I camped I was ten! However, this camp is different, it is exactly how they describe it Magical Transforming Fun. Every moment, from the camp fires, to the wish sticks, to the Camp dance, to the Luau. All of it is amazing!!! Every time someone asks me how camp was, I get a huge grin on my face and cannot stop talking about it. I love Flying Horse Farms and encourage you to check it, donate, or volunteer! It is an amazing time.

Where has the time gone?

Every now and then I sit and think about things that I can be doing and right now it is not often that I get to sit and think. Where has my time been going these past few months? Unfortunately school and work. I am disappointed that my blogging has been put on the back burner and I am the only one to blame for that. I know I said I was going to try my best, but homework comes up and things I have to get done for work pile up and I am in a 6 foot hole with no help to get out. I am doing my best to time manage and I think getting back into my summer reading list and my scrapbooking has really helped that. I set a goal of "if I get this piece of homework done then I can go work on a couple of pages." So far so good. I also have really filled my time being with friends and family. This summer (from June 1- September 1) I only have two weekends open, this is not a bad thing it is a really good thing. They are filled with family events and trips that I am planning on taking. One event that is coming up in August has me really excited, I am going to be a camp counselor for a Hole in the Wall Camp which are camps that help children with special needs, in this case the camp I am volunteering for works with kids with terminal illnesses. I am so excited and thrilled to be taking on this new experience.